Legolas, prince of Mirkwood

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Wow, has it really been almost a month? Well, I got home yesterday from my much needed vacation in Rivendell. Staying with the Elves is nice, but they all talk weird and kind of have that old people smell-oh wait, I'm an Elf! uh, nevermind. But anyway, when I returned home I found that my yard was full of large holes, Sam digging at one of them, and Pippin watching him. Arwen was killing my rake, and Aragorn was reshingling my roof. Faramir was spreading Mayonaise on a tree with a paintbrush. I walked up to Sam and Pip.

"Sam, why are you digging all these holes?" I said.

"So I can plant the seeds to grow by the winter harvest."

"What are you planting, exactly?"

"Dinosaurs."

"Dinosaurs? Ok, I won't even ask. And why are you going to harvest them in winter?" I asked.

"Winter is such lovely bowling season," he said.

"Wha-um, ok...so why havn't you planted any yet?"

"Because they don't grow in the ground they grow in trees."

"Then why do you need to dig the-"

"Sam!!!" said Pippin suddenly. "If you leave all these holes here a turtle might fall in one and get stuck!!! Then the turtles will get angry at me and stop supplying me with gems!!!"

I was utterly confused. "Pippin," said Sam,"The turtles won't fall in these holes because the holes are too big and the turtles will disapprove of them!!!"

At this, I gave up and walked away as they started arguing. Arwen had by this point acquired a crossbow and was violently beating the rake. I thought it was best to leave her alone with that. I walked up to Aragorn and asked him why he was reshingling my roof.

"So you can cook triscuits on it" he said simply, then went back to work.

"But I don't-oh, nevermind." I walked over to Faramir, who now had most of the bottom half of the tree covered in mayonaise.

"Faramir, why are you putting mayo on the tree?"

"I'm painting," he said.

"Then why don't you use paint?"

"Because Santa Clause stole all our paint."

I then noticed Gandalf standing by a nearby tree with a can of paint.

"Faramir, that's just Gan-"

"Santa Clause always steals from me. He once stole.....MY IDENTITY."

"Ok, I'll just-"

"Let me tell you the story."

As I walked away, he started to tell me the story. I looked out the window a couple hours later to see that he was still telling it to the tree. I decided that one vacation wasn't enough. I need another.