Q: How many Uruk Hai does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: 10,000. One to screw it in, and 9,999 to attack helms deep. I was walking through Edoras the other day when I heard king Theoden yelling: "Arise! Arise riders of Theoden! A sore day! A red day! As the sun rises! Ride now! Ride now! Ride-" "Hey Theo, what the hell!?!" "I just can't wait," he said. "Look, I know you're excited to get that postcard you sent yourself, but the mail doesn't get here until later." "You just don't truly beleive," he said, then he skipped away singing 'It's a small world after all.' Before I could say anything, Gandalf walked up to me and told me his new plan: "Yo, Legolas here's what we can do. We steal everybody's shoes when their asleep, then sell 'em on e-bay. Then we buy a bunch of legos and build a giant fort! I love having forts!" "That is the worst idea I ever heard. Besides, we were just at helms deep. Why can't that just be your damn fort?" "Oh, you're mean. I'm telling Shadowfax on you." Gandalf ran off in one of his little moods. I heard some heavy breathing and I turned around and I saw Pippin standing there staring at me blankly. "Uh, hey," I said. "Um, do you want something?" "No," he said, and continued staring at me. "Uh, okay...hey, why don't you-" "I have cave crickets in my basement." "Huh. I didn't know you had a basem-" "Look! I'm Spiderman!" he said, and threw himself into a nearby building, in an attempt to climb it. He fell on the ground. At first I thought he was just unconsious, but he's been there for three days. I don't know if he's dead or what, but he's starting to decompose. Oh, well maybe he really is Spiderman.